If you look to your left, you can see the Great Lakes. If you look to your right, some guy’s crotch is on fireDecember 30, 2009
So some Nigerian guy sets fire to his bomb-filled crotch in a failed attempt to blow up a plane going to Detroit on Christmas, in a sort of replay of the shoe-bomber from 2002 who also failed to blow up the plane he was on. And now that that the holiday hangover is just about lifted we can hold a forum on this topic.
“So will this mean we have to take off our underwear, as well as our shoes, at the airport checkpoints now?” says Anonymous Doug. “Maybe this will encourage more people to go commando and experience the joy of free-balling.”
“I guess this is what happens when you don’t answer those Nigerian scam emails,” says Mikka. “It’s certainly going to lessen my enjoyment of Nigerian movie trailers.”
“I hope this doesn’t lead to racial profiling at airports,” says Samurai Cathy. “If we really profiled every ethnic group and creed that we can find a reason to profile, the only people who could get through a checkpoint without being hassled would be one family from the Yukon Territory.”
“I don’t see how this is a failure of flight security in the United States, seeing how the flight came from Amsterdam,” says Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat. “Hey, Dutch airport people, how about putting down the hash pipe for a moment and doing your jobs so passengers don’t have to stomp out some guy’s flaming bomb-laden crotch during the flight. Kthxbye!”
“I’m convinced more than ever not to fear Al-Qaeda,” says Ninja Vicki. “You’re more likely to be killed by some dumb bitch texting while driving than Al-Qaeda. Hell, I’m more likely to kill you than Al-Qaeda, but you don’t see the talking heads on TV pissing their pants about me.”
“And can those talking heads stop trying to make it sound like terrorists are evil Sith lord masterminds too?” says Avonia the Wiccan Pimp. “He’s a guy with a bomb in his underwear. He’s not Magneto or Doctor Doom or even Lex Luthor.”
“At least it’s gotten Sean and Lucia Wheatley to start being afraid of terrorism again instead of gay marriage,” says Tina the Lesbian. “They’ve been hiding since Christmas, scared that Nigerian Al-Qaeda agents are trying to bomb their marriage. I’ve enjoyed the peace and quiet.”
Tag Larkin can’t get on planes. Not because he’s carrying a bomb, but because Tag Larkin is The Bomb.