He-Man and the Masters of the West BankFebruary 3, 2010
So lots of people were watching the season premiere of the last season of Lost this week. I wasn’t because to me there’s really only one thing on television that’s worth watching, and that’s Palestinian children’s programming courtesy of Hamas.
We’ve already reveled in the jaunty fun of Farfour the mouse (who was beaten to death by the Israeli police), the joyous escapades of Nahoul the bee (who died of an illness because Israeli blockades wouldn’t allow him to get the medicine he needed), and Assud the jew-eating rabbit (who according to Wikipedia was killed in some sort of Israeli bombing run). Now we’re getting actual Palestinian cartoons. Apparently Hamas stole themselves a copy of Flash.
Again, Mikka wasn’t around to watch with me, because why watch Palestinian cartoons when you’re dating a samurai? So I got Tina the Lesbian to come over and see what Hamas has been doing with their animation department.
“So it’s just Israelis killing Palestinian children?” says Tina the Lesbian.
“No, it’s Israeli children killing Palestinian children,” I say. “This is a kids’ show, remember.”
“This is some fucked up shit,” says Tina the Lesbian, jaw hanging open as more Palestinian kids get gunned down in animated form.
“It’s certainly not up to the low standards of 1970’s Hanna-Barbera cartoons, that’s for sure,” I say. “This makes Scooby-Doo look like Beauty and the Beast. But I will say, it’s better than Clutch Cargo.”
“I don’t care if it looks better than a damn Pixar movie,” says Tina the Lesbian. “This is horrible, horrible stuff.”
“You’re right, they need to make it look more like anime,” I say. “Giant robots and women in impossibly skimpy outfits.”
“I was talking about the children getting shot,” says Tina the Lesbian. “This is awful.”
“Maybe the Hamas artists can at least use the anime style of drawing,” I say. “The Na’vi in Avatar all have those big anime eyes and people felt bad when they got shot up.”
“They’re not trying to drum up sympathy, they’re trying to create a new generation of martyrs for their anti-semetic cause,” says Tina the Lesbian.
“Yeah, I’d probably blow myself up too if I were a child and this was the height of animation where I lived,” I say. “But I will say they’re way beyond the 80’s G.I. Joe cartoon. No one ever got shot on that show, and you’d always see people in vehicles jump out just before their plane or tank or jeep got blown up. Come on, a show about an American military group fighting an international terrorist organization and no one gets killed? These Palestinian kids are way ahead of us when it comes to introducing the concepts of life and death in cartoons. We had to wait for the Transformers movie.”
“They don’t need cartoons for that in Gaza,” says Tina the Lesbian. “They can just walk outside and see it.”
“So you’re saying if America had decades of rampant sectarian violence in our streets then we would have had better cartoons growing up?” I say.
Tina the Lesbian excuses herself from my living room and walks back to her house. Apparently lesbians do not like cartoons, or discussions about them.