There Will Be Blood, Not Starring Daniel Day Lewis

March 19, 2010

American protests are bollocks. Utter bollocks.

I’ve come to this conclusion after reading this story from Australia about a protest in Thailand…

“Supporters of ousted Thai prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra say they will continue their protest today by pouring 1,000 litres of their own blood on the steps of parliament.”


Red shirt leaders say they will now begin massing their supporters in central Bangkok and have medical staff on hand to draw blood from 100,000 protesters.

A red shirt spokesman said Thailand’s cabinet ministers would have to walk across the blood on their way to work.  He said the move was made in response to the prime minister’s failure to meet their deadline to resign.

Oh yeah, and they didn’t just talk about it.  They fucking did it.

You don’t see Americans doing this shit. No, we just march around with signs and scream trite soundbites at whoever happens to be around.   We can’t be bothered to drop a pint of blood for a protest.  We can’t devote ourselves that much to our beliefs here in the States.  That TV isn’t going to watch itself. 

Avonia the Wiccan Pimp’s been to a quite few anti-war protests but no one at any of these events was collecting liters and liters of blood to throw on the ground of Congress.  Even the protestors who came covered in blood didn’t even use real blood.  Thailand is too hardcore for corn syrup and food coloring.  Go back to your community theaters, you rank amateurs.

Anonymous Doug went to one of those Teabagger rallies and was highly disappointed that it was about protesting President Obama’s health care reform and not promoting one of his favorite things to do with a lady or a passed out college buddy.  But for all the screaming about communism and tyranny and Obama orally raping George Washington while using the Constitution as a condom, none of them were pumping out a pint of blood to throw on the White House lawn.  Thailand laughs at your tiny limp teabags. 

But isn’t this a waste of blood, you may ask?  Wouldn’t this blood be better served being donated to the Red Cross than dumped on the ground?  Look, there are guidelines to who can donate blood, like how you can’t donate if you’ve gotten a tattoo in the past year in a state that doesn’t regulate tattoo places (as in most of them), or if you’ve been to Western Europe (mad cow scare), or if you’re gay (may cause transfusion receipients to turn into a homo, or a werewolf, or a homo werewolf).    But there are no such restrictions for donating blood for protest theater.  Got the Hep C from having unprotected sex with prostitutes while doing intravenous drugs?  The Red Cross can’t shove you out of their little trailers fast enough, but the protest crowd will happily tap you for a pint.  Hell, they’ll take two or three if you’re dumb enough.  Just bring a thick blanket and something to lay down on because you’re going be cold and sleepy for a while, but no one will doubt your commitment to the cause, whatever it happens to be that week. 

Also from the blood-letting Thai protest article, the Austalian government is telling people not to go to Thailand because it might get violent there and “(i)t also recommends staying away from banks, government buildings and military installations because of the risk of grenade attacks.”

Thailand looks at our protests and pisses on them.  Usually you have to pay 50 American dollars for that sort of thing there, but this one’s on the house. 



  1. I’ve witnessed a lot of American protests that involve blood, though they’re usually animal rights activists so, really, who gives a shit.

    • Yes, but is it their own blood? Probably not. Don’t settle for less than the real deal!

  2. I am guessing that you’ve seen Mark Pirro’s “Curse of the Queerwolf”?

    • Actually no I haven’t. I hope that doesn’t diminish my standing with you, wherever that standing happens to be.

    • What’s Curse of the Queerwolf sled? sounds mighty interesting

  3. i was in bangkok a couple days after they changed the locks on the presidential palace in 2006. pretty pussy stuff for a coup. parked some tanks around town so us tourists could pose with soldiers. these ‘bleeding’ people are trying to kick it up a notch…

  4. Americans stay out of it to a fault. Big talkers though.

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