There’s Young and Foolish, And Then There’s Just Dumb: Part TwoMay 20, 2010
Today we get the female perspective on some of Glamour dating blogger Erin Meanley’s “31 things I wish I’d known about dating when I was 21,” commentary courtesy of Ninja Vicki, who if there was a baddest-ass woman contest would not only be invited but would be a high-ranked seed too. Because she’s a ninja.
14. Guys get resentful, too.
“She learned almost too late that man is a feeling creature, and because of it the greatest in the universe,” says Ninja Vicki, referring Peter Graves’ speech at the end of It Conquered the World. “Newsflash, lady, men have emotions. It’s just that theirs is a lower proof than women’s. If men’s emotions are like a forty of Colt45, women are a bottle of Bacardi 151. Both get you drunk, but one hits faster and harder.”
16. It’s okay to say no. It’s more than okay. It’s always okay. If he stops calling (and many, many, many will), you’re only weeding out the guys who aren’t truly interested in you as a person. Time saved!
“Is she saying that she didn’t know she could refuse to have sex with a guy?” says Ninja Vicki. “Or is she saying that she didn’t know she didn’t have to feel bad about not putting out? Either way, this girl sounds like she had the self-worth of a kidney stone in college.”
18. You deserve to be treated like a human being.
“Then what did she think she deserved to be treated like when she was 21?” says Ninja Vicki. “A pin cushion for dicks? Was this girl born into sexual slavery or something?”
19. Your wants and needs are just as important as his, and if you don’t express them because you think it will scare him away, then you’re saying you don’t count as much as he does.
“Hell, I know women my age and older who still haven’t learned that lesson,” says Ninja Vicki. “But this is sadder because she didn’t even know she deserved to be treated as a human being to begin with. I’m starting to she was raised by and escaped from some crazy cult. Like the Mormons.”
22. Ease up on the sauce. Alcohol clouds your judgment.
“Oh, so she was just a lush… that’s explains it,” says Ninja Vicki. “Someone who found self-validation at the bottom of a bottle and the unloving embrace of whoever showed the slightest interest in her that night. Now it all makes sense.”
29. What are you hoping to gain by hooking up with this guy? If the answer is “him,” that’s a bad deal for you.
“Yes, because dating for status and a sense of possession always works out great…” says Ninja Vicki. “I know I was stupid as kelp when I was 21, but this doesn’t read like someone being young and foolish. It reads like a broken, malfunctioning woman who through some miracle developed self-esteem by the time she reached 30. I’m surprised I don’t see ‘Don’t be a cum dumpster’ on this list.”
30. Expectations? They’ll ruin every dating experience you have.
“There’s a difference between expectations and standards,” says Ninja Vicki. “You shouldn’t expect a guy to fit every little nuanced like-point on your romance chart, but you can still demand he meet some of your expectations, like treating you like a human being, or that your wants and needs will be just as important as his. Shit, are all these self-esteem issues endemic to college age girls? If so, it’s a fucked up world we live in where women don’t develop any sense of self-worth until they’re 30.”
Ninjas, however, do not have self-worth issues, because they are ninjas. And they will put a fucking shuriken in your chest.