That wasn’t a dingo that took your baby

May 28, 2010

Usually when there’s a ninja in the news, I have to tell Ninja Vicki about it, and usually it’s about some dumb ass in black pajamas and a sword he bought at 3am on the Home Shopping Network doing something stupid.  But in this case, it is the ninjas who are the heroes in this tale.

In Australia some guy was getting the crap kicked out of him by some ruffians, but what the ruffians didn’t know was that they were right next to a ninja school, and the ninja students came running out and saved the victim from further punishment by chasing off his assailants.

“Obviously they’re ninja students because they let their prey escape,”  says Ninja Vicki.  “But they will learn.”

“Should we be worried about Australian ninjas?”  I say.  “Will they be the next threat to world security?”

“Probably not since Aussie ninjas appear to be rather helpful,”  says Ninja Vicki.  “Maybe it’s got something to do with having the Queen on their money.”

“So you’re saying Canadian and British ninjas probably would be helpful too?”  I say.

“More helpful than little ol’ me,”  says Ninja Vicki.  “I just stole an iPad before I got here.”

“Is that because you’re an American?”  I say.

“No, because I wanted to be able to check my email while I’m hiding in a tree,”  says Ninja Vicki.  “And watch a Maru video while I’m up there too.”

Maybe only Australian ninjas in Sydney are helpful.  Canberra ninjas could be downright bastards as far as we know.



  1. there’s no ninja school in my neighbourhood :-(

  2. I somehow doubt that was an actual ninja school. Nobody knows where the real ones are because people who discover them by accident never survive the experience.

  3. Canberra is to boring to have ninjas… or they are all playing with fireworks and watching porn to do anything. Which doesn’t sound boring I’ll admit, but thats the funny thing about canberra. Only thing to do there is buy porn and fireworks. Yet it is still the most tedious place in the world.

    Have to wonder about the ninja school though, just some dudes backyard in suburban sydney can’t be much of a school. I’d like to think of a ninja school like a summer camp, but with more death and shurikens. Plus there was a fat chick, I don’t want to discriminate but fat chicks can’t be ninjas. Vicki isn’t fat is she. I say I don’t want to discriminate but really, I do. I don’t want fat ninjas, you don’t want fat ninjas, the people of canberra don’t want fat ninjas.

    In any case they weren’t good ninjas because they were seen. Does ninja vicki ever get seen, no for a start shes not fat. If you’re saved by ninjas, you don’t see ninjas. I imagine its just a few ‘hiya’s’ and ten theres a lot of blood and slain muggers… but maybe thats just me, I don’t I know I’ve huffing a lot of glue lately that probably doesn’t help.

    Besides they probably just knew ninjitsu, which doesn’t make you a ninja, hell if it did that would make Steven Segal a ninja, I don’t think anybody wants that. Its just more fat ninjas… fat eskimo ninjas… they aren’t helping anybody. Still reading… why, jesus christ you’re persistent.

    I think we can all agree Steven Segal isn’t going to help anybody.

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