Perspective on personal plumbing

June 10, 2010

Well, the Flyers lost in the Stanley Cup Finals to the Blackhawks.  I was watching the game down at the local bar with Anonymous Doug and Tina the Lesbian, who were there anyway regardless of whether there was a hockey game on because they enjoy each other’s company for reasons no one can fathom.  Anyway, while sulking over the Flyers overtime loss, I overheard this conversation between them…

“You know what’s annoying  about being a guy?”  says Anonymous Doug.  “Sometimes I start taking a piss and then right in the middle of it I get the urge to take a shit.  So either I have to pinch off the piss stream and then make the pivot to sit on the bowl, or I have to pull off the trick of holding in the shit until I’m done pissing and then sit down.  Real annoying.”

“You know what’s annoying about being a woman?”  says Tina the Lesbian.  “Menstruation.”

“Yeah, that has to suck for lesbians,”  says Anonymous Doug.  “It’s like what’s the point of you going through the crimson tide?  What does it matter if you’re fertile?  You’re not going near cock any time soon.  Nature really dropped the ball on that one.”

“Well, there are lesbians who do the whole artificial insemination thing,”  says Tina the Lesbian.  “I think Nature wanted us to keep our options open.”

“But artificial insemination is a recent technology in terms of the history of the human race,”  says Anonymous Doug.  “So did lesbians long ago have to bite the bullet and get some dick action that they have no interest in just for the privilege of pregnancy?”

“I would assume so,”  says Tina the Lesbian.  “Like how gay men had to deal with icky vagina to get themselves a  heir before they could just jack off into a cup and put it in a freezer.”

Nature is weird like that.  And so are we for discussing it out loud.



  1. Condolences on the Flyers loss. I don’t do “emoticon hugs”- which would be (((renalfailure))). but I haven’t figured out a way to type up an “emoticon blow job”.

    “From each according to her ability, to each according to his needs” – Madame Marx

  2. Did somebody say “emoticon blow job”? I believe the official ICANN endorsed interpretation is:
    :0 o===8

    • nicely done, but shouldn’t that be:
      :0 o=====8

  3. Well you should be consoled by the fact that anything played on ice isn’t a sport, so the flyers loss doesn’t really matter. There feel better now.

    ‘“It’s like what’s the point of you going through the crimson tide?’

    I sense theres a hunt for red october joke in there somewhere…

  4. I was going to read this post, honest, but all I can do is gloat about my team kicking your team’s ass.

    • Yeah, and you didn’t get to see it happen. You had to hear about the next morning. And you missed the parade too.

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