Sure, it goes on for 90 minutes, but it’s still a nil-nil tie

June 21, 2010

“I’m dating a girl who’s into the World Cup,” says Anonymous Doug.

“How’s that working out?”  I say.

“She’s South African,”  says Anonymous Doug.  “And she’s got one of them vulvazelas.”

“You mean a vuvuzelas,”  I say.

“No, vulvazelas,”  says Anonymous Doug.  “Because when I bang her it sounds like an apiary down there.”

“Is it good?”  I say.

“Well, the noise distracts me enough to get a few more minutes of action,” says Anonymous Doug.  “And female soccer fans don’t seem to mind not coming during sex.  Hell, if they get one orgasm they’re thrilled, like it’s the best thing ever.  And then there’s injury time…”

This is better than the NASCAR fan Doug used to date.  She had all sorts of endorsements plastered to her skin, could only make left turns, and one time while in the act of love Doug slammed her into the wall and she burst into flames.  He has a commemorative plate of that relationship.



  1. hate to think what happens when anonymous doug bangs a woman who’s a synchronized swimming fan….

    greetings from the three of us on Lesvos. hope your ears were burning a bit!

  2. Got to be careful of those soccer fans. Scoring an own goal is particularly frowned upon.

  3. It took me a second to remember that an “apiary” is for bees, not “a place where one keeps apes.”

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