It’s Not a LivingJune 29, 2010
So Avonia the Wiccan Pimp is patrolling her turf, keeping her pimp hand strong, when she sees our recently-laid off Finnish friend Mikka walking around with a stack of flyers in his hand, but he’s only handing them out to women. Avonia goes over to investigate.
“What are you handing out?” Avonia says to Mikka.
“Informative literature,” says Mikka. “On behalf of Tag Larkin.”
Avonia takes a flyer and reads in large bold Impact-font letters “Did you know Tag Larkin could be in your vagina right now?” And then contact information is listed below.
“Is Tag Larkin still doing this?” Avonia says, remembering the invitations Tag Larkin was handing out three months ago informing women that they could have sex with him. “He handed thousands of invites out in March.”
“Yes, and he’s currently busy having sex with those women,” says Mikka. “Which is why Tag Larkin hired me to inform and remind the female populace of the availability of Tag Larkin to have sex with them.”
“Oh Mikka, I know the job situation out there is bad, but working for Tag Larkin?” says Avonia. “What is he paying?”
“He didn’t say anything about salary,” says Mikka. “He just slapped this stack of flyers against my chest and told me to get to work because I was now an employee of Tag Larkin LSD.”
“I think he means LLC,” says Avonia. “But you’re saying Tag Larkin enslaved you to hand out his flyers?”
“He did say I’d get a good dental plan,” says Mikka. “That probably means he won’t punch me in the mouth. Still, it’s better than sitting around my house all day playing XBox and trying to figure out what my years of working in a wonton soup factory qualifies me for. Apparently Tag Larkin thinks I’m qualified to hand out literature informing women that Tag Larkin is available to fuck them.”
Tag Larkin puts people to work, because Tag Larkin is his own stimulus plan.