I Want a Second Opinion From Morris Day and The Time

July 12, 2010

In a recent interview in the Daily Mirror, the artist we currently know again as Prince has declared:

“The internet’s completely over. I don’t see why I should give my new music to iTunes or anyone else. They won’t pay me an advance for it and then they get angry when they can’t get it.

“The internet’s like MTV. At one time MTV was hip and suddenly it became outdated. Anyway, all these computers and digital gadgets are no good.

“They just fill your head with numbers and that can’t be good for you.”

So Prince is apparently mad at the internet, and numbers. I’m not sure why he’s got it in for numbers, considering one of his most popular albums is titled 1999, and his new one is titled 20Ten.   But in our professional opinion here at Renal Failure the Internet can’t be over because it still has Maru.  Only when Maru leaves our mortal coil can the Internet be over.

I didn’t know this before I read this article, but Prince is a Jehovah’s Witness.  The J-Wit’s (not to be confused with the Jesuits) believe that only 144,000 people will be allowed to live in heaven with Jesus after the world ends.  Now I may be an atheist, but if I were willing to believe that there was indeed a heaven and only 144,000 people would be allowed in, I know for damn sure that Prince would be one of them.

We won’t argue with Prince on the subjects of music, basketball, pancake making, and getting laid.  But we’ll definitely argue with him about the Internet, because that what the Internet runs on: argumentative assholes.  Before it had free movies and music, the Internet ran on people yelling at each other and still does to this day, except now the vitriol is mixed in with cat pictures and fast downloading porn and blogs about ninjas and half-cyborg cats so it’s not as caustic as before.

And thanks to the Internet, I can order a DVD copy of Purple Rain and get directions to Lake Minnetonka so I can purify myself.  Prince would do well to remember that the next time he tries to drum up interest in his next album by saying something nutty.



  1. Jim believes that anyone who really wants to be President should be automatically barred from running for office.

  2. My pet theory is he’s upset with the internet because because nobody was interested in adding his stupid symbol to keyboards, so he lost out on all those potential Google hits.

    • Whereas if he’d just settled for the North Wind….

  3. He’s too short to reach the keyboard.

  4. Man, I hate it when there are numbers in my head.

    • Replace them with Tim Tams

  5. i would download 4 u

    • RF can download on me any day

  6. Tell me about the argumentative assholes. We just got a new newsblog in town and already it has its own cadre of professional yellers.

  7. Morris please get back to me. That dance that is taking the country by storm is the one that you came up with. And I love it I do it to exercise. Get back. Email steffplumm77@yahoo.com

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