You can soothe the pain of me being right with some Dr. Scholl’s gel insertsJuly 30, 2010
Regular Renal Readers know that flip-flops (or thongs to our sizable non-American audience) are one of the major banes of my existence (another is khaki pants, but that’s another matter). And despite my efforts to inform people about how flip-flops are a tool to keep women oppressed and subservient to the patriarchy, how they are a breeding ground of bacteria and disease, how they identify you as an asshole and make you vulnerable to foot stomps, and how they are a tacit admission that their wearer is lazy and not to be taken seriously, they are still worn full-time by significant portions of the population from the end of March until halfway through October, and even longer by some.
Well now we have more evidence to bolster our crusade against footwear that is just a slab of rubber and something wedged between your toes: this article about how flip-flops are worse for you than high heels.
Dr. Rock Positano from the Hospital for Special Surgery in New York says:
“The major shock absorption occurs back on the heel, and if the surface between the heel and the ground is not supported it does not allow the heel to absorb shock as well as it should. Which means the foot works harder than it should and people tend to develop overuse injuries such as tendinitis, or in this case, lower leg, knee, hip and back problems.”
The high heel trades off the damage it causes by elongating the leg, making the person taller, and by being more socially versatile as well as being aesthetically more impressive. If you disagree with that last point, ask yourself what you can wear to both a night out at a bar and to a job interview: a pair of heels or a pair of a pair of flip-flops you got off the rack at Old Navy for five bucks? (unless you’re applying for a job as a lifeguard)
Flip-flops are appropriate for dicking around your house, being poolside or on the beach, in a communal shower or locker room, going to and from your yoga studio or karate dojo, or for working in a rice patty. Other than that, put on some real shoes. There’s a lot of footwear between “no one take my lazy ass seriously” flip-flops and “fuck me” heels. Explore it, and maybe save some money by not having to get pedicures too.
But stay off of those shoes that have the individual slots for your toes. They just make you look like you’re a cross between a hobbit and a Muppet. And no one takes hobbit Muppets seriously, otherwise we would have elected one to high political office by now.