It’s all downhill after kindergarten…

August 9, 2010

So there’s this article saying that your personality is likely to be solidified in 1st grade, that whatever we were like when we were six is pretty much how we’ll end up as adults regarding extrovert or introvert behavior.  But we think there’s more to it.

“Well, I threw a pencil in a kid’s eye in first grade,”  says Ninja Vicki.  “I guess that’s how the ninja thing started.”

“I don’t remember kissing a girl in first grade,”  says Tina the Lesbian.  “I do remember liking softball a lot though.”

“Cats don’t have a first grade,” says Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat.  “That’s how more evolved we are over humans.  You can’t predict cat personalities, we’re immune to such research, just like how the Irish are immune to psychotherapy. That’s why I married one.”

“First time I faked being sick so I could stay home and play video games all day was in first grade,” says Mikka.  “Rockin’ that Atari 2600 all day long…”

“I ended up at a Kurosawa film festival when I was six,”  says Samurai Cathy.  “No, just kidding.  But Darth Vader’s design was based off of samurai armor, and I thought Star Wars was cool back then.”

“One time a girl in the schoolyard threw water on me and called me a witch,”  says Avonia the Wiccan Pimp.  “Turns out she was schizophrenic with a Wizard of Oz complex, but still…”

“I can see how 1st grade sets up the rest of your life,”  I say.  “In first grade I had a bitter nun for a teacher who pretty much crushed my love of learning and the joy of living right out of me, turning me into the neurotic, misanthropic chimera of self-loathing, inertia, scorched-earth anger, and fantasy world escapism that you see before you today.”

“I used to tie girls up in first grade,” says Anonymous Doug.

*blink* *blink*

Anonymous Doug wins the discussion.  Again.



  1. I can’t remember that far back, but my mother tells me I closely identified with Eeyore.

  2. My first day in first grade I got up out of the seat after about an hour of class and starting doing vaguely gymnastic moves, to the scandalization of the teacher. I can’t say I remember that much more about it.

  3. in first grade, i was the girl the other girls came to when they wanted someone to beat up one of the boys. might explain why i sleep with a dog most nights…

  4. What a bout Tag Larkin?

    • Tag Larkin’s past is shrouded in mystery… but we assume 1st grade Tag Larkin was much like current-day Tag Larkin, except with a little less sex and a smaller vocabulary.

  5. I ran around making fun of people and being a general asshole.

    I’d say the article is accurate.

  6. hmm. I don’t know about first grade. It was so long ago I don’t remember. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t rubbing people’s backs then, though.

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