It’s all downhill after kindergarten…August 9, 2010
So there’s this article saying that your personality is likely to be solidified in 1st grade, that whatever we were like when we were six is pretty much how we’ll end up as adults regarding extrovert or introvert behavior. But we think there’s more to it.
“Well, I threw a pencil in a kid’s eye in first grade,” says Ninja Vicki. “I guess that’s how the ninja thing started.”
“I don’t remember kissing a girl in first grade,” says Tina the Lesbian. “I do remember liking softball a lot though.”
“Cats don’t have a first grade,” says Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat. “That’s how more evolved we are over humans. You can’t predict cat personalities, we’re immune to such research, just like how the Irish are immune to psychotherapy. That’s why I married one.”
“First time I faked being sick so I could stay home and play video games all day was in first grade,” says Mikka. “Rockin’ that Atari 2600 all day long…”
“I ended up at a Kurosawa film festival when I was six,” says Samurai Cathy. “No, just kidding. But Darth Vader’s design was based off of samurai armor, and I thought Star Wars was cool back then.”
“One time a girl in the schoolyard threw water on me and called me a witch,” says Avonia the Wiccan Pimp. “Turns out she was schizophrenic with a Wizard of Oz complex, but still…”
“I can see how 1st grade sets up the rest of your life,” I say. “In first grade I had a bitter nun for a teacher who pretty much crushed my love of learning and the joy of living right out of me, turning me into the neurotic, misanthropic chimera of self-loathing, inertia, scorched-earth anger, and fantasy world escapism that you see before you today.”
“I used to tie girls up in first grade,” says Anonymous Doug.
Anonymous Doug wins the discussion. Again.