So are we supposed to be afraid of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar too?

August 23, 2010

So the other day I was wondering if idiots were still pissing themselves over people being Muslim two blocks away from where the Twin Towers used to be.  Sure enough they were, but at least they weren’t making up words for it this time around.  Time for another roundtable around a trashcan of grain alcohol and photograph developing fluid.

“So according to these people it’s perfectly okay that the Pentagon has a mosque inside it, but it’s not okay that a community center might have a prayer room a full two blocks away from where the towers fell?”  says Samurai Cathy.  “It’s like the only way their argument would make sense would be if you lost all sense of spatial awareness.”

“There’s already a mosque three blocks from Ground Zero,”  says Avonia the Wiccan Pimp.  “So a mosque three blocks is okay, but a prayer room that doesn’t even exist yet two blocks away is beyond offensive?  Is there some sort of magical two-block field of hallowedness that I’m not aware of, because magical fields are sort of my thing so I should have been notified about it sooner.”

“Dude, there’s a strip club two blocks from this so-called hallowed ground,”  says Anonymous Doug.  “You’re going to tell me these guys have more of a problem with some people being Muslim two blocks from Ground Zero than with me getting a blowjob in the champagne room by a crying 19-year old who needs the cash to feed her smack habit two blocks from where the towers fell?  God, I love America!”

“The people bitching about this non-mosque being too close to the Towers site are the same ones who bitch the loudest about political correctness,”  says Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat.  “And they’re also the ones screaming how they don’t want government in their lives but they want the government to step in and stop people from being Muslim near Ground Zero.  The hypocrisy is so thick I could use it to smother the elderly.”

“This whole thing makes Americans look like pussies,”  says Ninja Vicki.  “That Iman Rauf guy hasn’t even begun to raise money for the center yet.  He doesn’t even have a blueprint for the place.  People are being total wailing pussies over the mere concept of people being Muslims in Manhattan.  Man up, America.”

“You know what’s at Ground Zero in Hiroshima where we dropped that atomic bomb?”  says Mikka.  “A friggin’ McDonald’s.  The ultimate symbol of American power and influence sitting in the blast radius of the ultimate symbol of American blowing-shit-uppitude and I don’t hear complaint one from the Japanese.  They probably channeled all those feelings into tentacle rape cartoons, but at least they didn’t whine about it.”

“I have a perverse sense of gratitude that this whole Islamic community center bullshit is taking morons’ minds off of their delirious panic that gay marriage is coming to destroy their families,”  says Tina the Lesbian.  “Sometimes it’s good to see where your minority status ranks on the bigotry ladder.”

When the dumb gets to be too much, do what I do and watch a cat video.  Because pills are too damn expensive, and the dumb is just too strong.



  1. I LOVE your cat videos. And I’m happy to share my expensive pills with you RF

  2. That’s some pretty powerful dumb you’re fighting against. I think you should take Nursemyra up on her offer.

  3. i found this cat video rather depressing. lonely cat woman, inside her empty apartment, holds kitty watermelon with one hand, and video camera with another? you can’t tell me she wasn’t crying silent tears when she was filming that…

    yes. this is powerful, and deeply depressing, dumb. the buttheads are winning…

  4. I found the cat video intriguing. The cat eats ALL the watermelon, except for the seeds, which it spits out very efficiently. This has made me re-visit my choices as far as how much of the watermelon I eat.

  5. I’m yet to watch a tentacle rape video, I like octopusses, I don’t like to think they beleive in the whole ‘yes means no’ thing.

    Mosque strip club maybe…

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