Bubbles Where Bubbles Shouldn’t Be… Or Should They?September 23, 2010
After watching the above video where a female ninja captures a group of rival ninjas with her vagina bubble attack, I decided I needed further clarification on what I just saw with my local ninja authority.
“Ninjas cannot shoot bubbles out of their vagina,” says Ninja Vicki.
And maybe I’d be willing to take her word for it, if I didn’t see a similar video on the Internets of another female ninja using bubbles from her vagina to subdue her enemy.
“Look, there has to be something to this,” I say. “A single ninja vagina bubble video is one thing, but two? It can’t be coincidence, can it?”
“Ninjas are silent assassins,” says Ninja Vicki. “The vagina bubble attack does not fit that profile.”
“But it’s damn effective,” I say. “I wouldn’t know how to defend against it.”
“I cannot shoot bubbles from my vagina and I don’t want to shoot bubbles from my vagina,” says Ninja Vicki. “I don’t want to shoot anything from my vagina.”
“Maybe that’s why you can’t kill Samurai Cathy,” I say. “You’re not ninja enough to go to the lengths needed to defeat a skilled foe like her.”
“And then when people ask how I finally ended my hated arch-enemy’s life I can tell them ‘Oh, I drowned her with a flood of bubbles shooting out of my vagina,'” says Ninja Vicki, rolling her eyes. “Yes, that’s how I want my glorious victory to be remembered throughout history.”
“But you’d be victorious nonetheless,” I say.
“You know, I have enough trouble finding a man,” says Ninja Vicki. “I don’t need to compound that problem with killer bubbles flying out my cooter.”
“That actually might help your cause,” I say. “Put that on your online dating profile and you’d be flooded with emails for sure.”
“Yeah, from dirty fucking perverts who just want to see the bubble show,” says Ninja Vicki. “Forget it, vagina bubbles ain’t happening.”
“Look, it’s no secret your life pretty much sucks,” I say. “Maybe bubbles from your vagina would turn things around, maybe it won’t, but you’ll never know unless you give it a try. Now let’s go down to the dollar store, stock up on a whole bunch of bubble bath bottles, and start filling up that vag.”
Ninja Vicki respectfully declined my offer by roundhouse kicking me in the head. Some people just don’t want to be helped. But I do, because I might have a concussion.