Knifing her way to the top of the corporate ladder

November 10, 2010

Tina the Lesbian is sitting at her desk, doing whatever they do at insurance companies.  I think she underwrites claims or something, I don’t know, I don’t pay attention to my friends’ jobs.   I don’t even pay attention to my job, maybe that’s why I work out of the home, making sure that no one else drinks that gallon of Pine-Sol sitting under my sink.

Anyway, Tina’s doing something at her computer and she turns away to sneeze and get a tissue and when she looks back she sees Ninja Vicki hanging upside down like Spiderman in front of her.

“What the shit are you doing in my office?”  Tina quietly seethes at her friend as to not draw attention to the other cubicle drones that there is a familiar ninja hanging from the ceiling in her cube.

Ninja Vicki drops a few stamped envelopes on Tina’s desk.  “Mail call.”

“Have you graduated to mail tampering now?”  Tina the Lesbian says.  “That’s a federal offense, ya know.”

“No, I got a job here in your office,”  says Ninja Vicki.  “Mailroom clerk.”

“What happened to Kevin?”  Tina says.

“He accidentally stabbed himself thirteen times with a sword-like instrument,”  Ninja Vicki said. “And the woman that the temp agency sent over to replace him seems to come down with a rare disorder where shurikens stick out of your back.  So I took the position.”

“Why would you even want that job?”  Tina says.  “Hell, why would you want any job?  You’re a ninja.”

“Mikka said I couldn’t get a job and I wanted to prove him wrong,”  Ninja Vicki says.  “And now I have a job so I win.”

“You didn’t win anything,”  says Tina.  “You just do what you usually do when someone tells you can’t have something, you go get it out of spite, even if you didn’t want it in the first place.”

“I do not do that!”  Ninja Vicki says, pouting.

“How about when you wanted to date Mikka but only after he started dating Samurai Cathy?”  says Tina.  “Or remember when Tag Larkin tried to woo you by standing outside your house with a boombox and you didn’t want anything to do with him until he stopped and you got all butt-hurt because he had moved on to someone else?”

“Well, this time will be different,” says Ninja Vicki. “Because if I stick around for 90 days, I get medical benefits and a 401K.”

“You won’t last nine days,”  says Tina.

“Bet you a box of wine I do,”  says Ninja Vicki.

“Deal,”  says Tina.  “Now go away.  I have claims to process.”

Ninja Vicki goes back into the drop ceiling, ready to deliver the mail to the rest of the office without being seen.

To be continued…



  1. there would be an advantage to a ninja mail clerk. if i weren’t drunk again in an airport, i suppose i could figure out what such an advantage would be. but i’m just going to do another tequila shot instead…

  2. I love a good “To be continued.”

    “He accidentally stabbed himself thirteen times with a sword-like instrument.”

    This has happened to me.

  3. that’s exactly how I got my job at the gimcrack. but without the sword and shurikens

  4. Things are just more satisfying when done out of spite. That’s how I eat my donuts.

  5. Waiting with bated breath for the denouement. . .

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