Tag Larkin is articulate. Too articulate, perhaps

January 6, 2011

Tag Larkin only speaks in declarative sentences.

Oh sure, Tag Larkin will ask questions from time to time, but he will do so forcefully as if they are really declarative  or, even stronger, imperative sentences.  It’s as if the question mark at the end of Tag Larkin’s sentence is merely present as a courtesy to the listener who has not the mental capacity or fucking stones to comprehend the awesomeness that transmits through the air whenever Tag Larkin speaks.

And yes, Tag Larkin can also be “aggressively inarticulate,”  especially when he throws a half-full tallboy can of Pabst Blue Ribbon at something that displeases him, or when he dry humps something , orwhen he sets something on fire.  But those are example of Tag Larkin taking an exclamatory tone with what he wants to communicate, because for Tag Larkin actions are exclamations.

You never hear Tag Larkin pepper his sentences with “like” or “you know” because when Tag Larkin speaks, he cuts right to exactly what he wants to say without a care to whether you know it or not.   We’ve seen before that Tag Larkin has an impressive vocabulary, but he chooses his words with great care for each syllable is a weapon, and combining syllables into words for Tag Larkin is the equivalent to forming a verbal Voltron, a giant mega-weapon created to rock the living shit out of your cerebral cortex.

So Taylor Mali, as you can clearly see Tag Larkin personifies – nay, exceeds – your request for an authoritative speaker of this generation, and yet you have no poetry of Tag Larkin’s exploits to regale your audiences with.  You’d better fix that immediately. No “like, ya know” about it.



  1. I dunno, I think Taylor Mali is like, nyehh. Know what I’m saying?

  2. Only the booboisie talk like that

  3. My old linguistics professor used to say “I am horny for sentences” — he wanted them vivid, strong and shapely. I guess he needed to meet Tag Larkin.

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