Someone more important than you was born on your birthday

February 12, 2011

One of my Facebook friends posted a status stating the point that even if you don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, that doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate Abe Lincoln’s birthday.  And I pondered this fact over a snifter of cognac and dishwater detergent and I found myself in agreement with his sentiment, if only because under Lincoln’s presidency hundreds of thousands of southerners were killed in The American Civil War, thus massaging my anti-Confederacy sentiments like a hooker with a well-lubed hand.

But aside from the birthday of the man who presided over the mass killing of slave-owning, passive-aggressive, self-deluded, modernity-hating treasonous fuckheads, there are other people celebrating a birthday today that we at Renal Failure think you should also celebrate.

“Judy Blume was born on the 12th of February,” says Tina the Lesbian (aka T. Lesbian).  “‘Are you There God?  It’s Me, Margaret‘ was probably the most important book I ever read.”

“Michael Ironside is 61 today,”  says Mikka, bringing up one of his favorite actors from movies like Scanners and Top Gun and Starship Troopers.  “I thought he was much older than that, but that just makes him more awesome.”

“It’s Darren Aronofsky’s birthday too,”  says Anonymous Doug.  “The director who brought us the immortal ass-to-ass scene in Requiem for a Dream is worth cracking open a six-pack or two for.”

“Charles Darwin’s birthday is today too,”  says Tina the Lesbian.  “It’s celebrating evolution’s birthday.”

“And it’s Arsenio Hall’s birthday,”  says Mikka.  “The man had a great late night show back before everyone had their own damn late night show.  Dude was going up against Johnny Carson and winning.  That has to count for something.”

“Shit… who else is on that list?”  says Anonymous Doug.  “Ah, here we go.  Lorne Greene.  Motherfuckin’ Bonanza!  That’s what I’m talking about.  We’d probably have his birthday off in America if he wasn’t Canadian.”

Any of those birthdays are much cooler than Valentine’s Day, so pick one and celebrate it with some people.  It doesn’t matter if you know them or not.



  1. Wow. Lorne Greene had a birthday? I thought he was carved out of the hills.

  2. Lincoln and Darwin were also both born in 1809. They ended slavery and Christianity. Coincidence?

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