One of these events is not like the other… but they both involve breasts

March 8, 2011

“Today is Mardi Gras,”  Anonymous Doug says, stating the obvious as he sits at the festively decorated bar with a fishbowl full of rum.

“It’s also International Women’s Day,” says Tina the Lesbian, sitting next to him, halfway through her third Hurricane of the afternoon as she watches women’s college basketball up on the big screen.

“So… I should have brought more beads then?”  says Anonymous Doug.

“No…”  says T. Lesbian.

“Because I wasn’t aware I was supposed to ask all the women in the world to show off their cans,”  says Anonymous Doug.  “I was just planning toss out beads for local tits.”

“No, it’s just a total coincidence that Mardi Gras and International Women’s Day are on the same date this year,”  says T. Lesbian.  “We can blame for Easter always moving on the calendar for this.”

“Does International Women’s Day have cool things associated with it that would make it overshadow Mardi Gras?”  Anonymous Doug says.

Tina brings out her iPhone and brings up this quote off the International Women’s Day website:

Annually on 8 March, thousands of events are held throughout the world to inspire women and celebrate achievements. A global web of rich and diverse local activity connects women from all around the world ranging from political rallies, business conferences, government activities and networking events through to local women’s craft markets, theatric performances, fashion parades and more.

“Well, that’s not going to beat rampant drinking and chicks flashing their funbags at you for beads,”   says Anonymous Doug.  “And probably the only reason you know that International Women’s Day is today is because of the daily graphic on Google telling you so.”

“To be fair,  I wouldn’t know half of what happened on certain days without that Google graphic informing me,”  says T. Lesbian.

“Well, happy International Women’s Day to you,”  says Anonymous Doug, holding up some beads.  “Now show your tits.”

T. Lesbian just shakes her head.  “I believe you’ve just demonstrated why we need an International Women’s Day.”

“You’re welcome,”  says Anonymous Doug.  “Now let’s see those hooters.  Double beads if you put ’em on the glass.”

I don’t blame Doug for trying on Tina the Lesbian.  Out of our usual female friends, she’s the most likely to whip ’em out (I think that’s part of the lesbian courting ritual).  You’re definitely not going to get Avonia the Wiccan Pimp (too demeaning) or Samurai Cathy (too proper) or Ninja Vicki (too small) to flash you for beads.  Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat’s wife Marlie, however, will pretty much flash you whenever you ask because she’s drunk for 23 out of 24 hours of the day and believes that showing you her jugs is the best way to make friends.  I don’t know if that’s the best way to make friends, but it does ensure that she never pays for drinks.



  1. this vexes me. i’m a female engineer, living quite nicely without financial, emotional or physical support of a man. yet i flash my titties for drinks and beads.

    does this mean i get to celebrate twice?

    • Hells yeah you get to celebrate twice. You lift up that shirt and declare “I am a strong independent woman, empowered by the strength forged by centuries of struggle endured by the sisters before me! And these are my luscious tits! Now give me those beads, bring me more tequila, and keep your mouth shut!”

  2. what part of Ninja Vicki is too small?

    • Along with having a flat ass, Ninja Vicki is also slight in the chest area. This is to her benefit as a ninja as it’s really hard to squeeze through tight spaces with huge knockers.

  3. No one’s ever flashed their tits at me. Well, I’m not counting that girls high school basketball team, but they were on a bus. I would guess though that maybe since they ALL did it, that I may have used up my lifetime quota of titty flashin. I kind of feel cheated by that. If I’d known each guy only gets a set quota at birth I’d have been more careful.

  4. Ninjas with small tits are the best.

  5. Most of the lesbians I know are a bunch of tit-flashers, too.

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