Why should I waste my beautiful mind on something like that?March 17, 2011
This quote from “conservative syndicated columnist and former Newt Gingrich press secretary” Tony Blankley on the topic of National Public Radio got my attention, but not for the likely intended reason:
“They are much more concerned with what is going on in the third world. That is a news judgment. For every story they run on conditions in some third world country, it is space not used for some story that we conservatives think is relevant to a conservative audience.”
Now I didn’t know that being a conservative meant not giving a shit what happens in third-world countries. I was under the impression that those two things were mutually exclusive, sort of like your hair color and your affinity for milk… or your nationality and what hand you masturbate with. One has nothing to do with the other. Apparently I’ve been mistaken for all these years regarding conservatism and being interested in the goings on developing countries.
Or perhaps this isn’t about conservatism, and it’s really about people being assholes but not wanting to be called assholes so they hide behind a political affiliation.
This is a slight modification on our Asshole Jesus theory, wherein a strain of evangelical Christianity has emerged that exists not to preach the lesson Jesus taught but so that people can be assholes to everyone who isn’t one of them, but if you call them out for being assholes they hide behind their religion (headed not by Love Thy Neighbor Jesus, but the new and improved Asshole Jesus). Asshole Conservatism just covers the stuff that Asshole Jesus doesn’t have time to be an asshole about, which would explain the severe Christian bent to American conservatism (as explained by Tony Blankley). It’s like a comprehensive Asshole package from Asshole Allstate Insurance, covering all of your asshole bases.
So replacing “conservative” with “asshole” in Blankley’s quote doesn’t change its meaning at all. Assholes wouldn’t care about stories about some shithole country in Africa or Asia. Why should they care about those people? Fuck ’em, says the asshole. Fuck those people who exist outside the narrow view of the asshole’s world. In fact, fuck knowledge all together. Being an asshole is much easier when you erect a wall of joyous ignorance around yourself because then you don’t have to deal with inconveniences like empathy or considering the larger consequences of your actions.
Yeah, you can be conservative AND an asshole, just like you can be liberal AND an asshole. Or an anarchist AND an asshole. Or a libertarian AND… hmmm, well maybe not libertarians. They’re like Objectivists with slightly better taste in books.
But the overall point here is that you can be multiple things at the same time, and that isn’t a sign of inconsistency. That’s a sign of existence being damn complicated. And embracing or fearing the complicatedness of the universe may make you liberal or conservative, but not giving the slightest shit about it only makes you an asshole.