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That’s no moon… oh wait, yes it is…

March 18, 2011

Oh yeah, you all laughed at Tag Larkin when he said he was going to fight the moon (and then fuck it).  Oh, how you laughed!  But you’re not laughing anymore, because look what’s coming into the night sky…

SUPERMOON!

And you thought the regular moon caused a lot of problems… SuperMoon is here to break its lunar foot off in your ass.

Sure, these so-called scientists and experts tell us that SuperMoon won’t cause earthquakes or tsunamis or other natural disasters, but these egghead people only know of the Moon from behind their comfy elitist desks and bleeding-heart telescopes.  They don’t know the Moon’s treachery like Tag Larkin does.  Earthquakes are the least of your concerns.

SuperMoon will create Super Werewolves.

Yeah, you know werewolves, right? Now imagine multiply that werewolf’s werewolviness by a factor of 10.  That’s a lot of werewolf, and these ones don’t die from silver bullets either.  Now what are you going to do?  That’s the only way to kill one according to lore.  You’re up shit creek with no paddles and a Super Werewolf in your canoe now.

Note:  Only one man has ever killed a Super Werewolf: Tag Larkin, by way of banging one to death with a silver condom.  We’re not sure why that would kill a Super Werewolf and a silver bullet wouldn’t, but that’s what Tag Larkin told us and we believed him.

So when a Super Werewolf is gnawing out your throat to a Warren Zevon song, you can spend the few seconds of life before you bleed to death mentally apologizing to Tag Larkin for thinking his plan to fight the moon was laughable.  And he’ll hear that apology too because Tag Larkin is tuned into brainwaves of people who are apologizing to him, or women who want him to bang them in every room of their house.   Tag Larkin is selectively perceptive.

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5 comments

  1. this kinda moon makes me wanna get pregnant again. if i’m going to carry more spawn, i want the next one to be a Super Werewolf.


    • That kind of moon does NOT make me want to get pregnant. Don’t say shit like that, Daisy. It’s terrifying.


  2. Tag Larkin is my god


  3. I was afraid to click on the link, in case it took me to a photo of my ex mother-in-law bending over without pants on.


  4. I still think we should have attacked the Supermoon. Maybe it didn’t cause devastation on this visit, but it will be back some day.



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