Don’t put the whores in front of the marching band

July 17, 2011

I’m walking down the street and I see Anonymous Doug sitting in a lawn chair by the side of the road with a cooler of beer next to him.

“I think you missed the Fourth of July parade,”  I say.

“I’m not here for that,”  says Anonymous Doug.  “I’m waiting for the SlutWalk.”

Now for our readers not familiar with the SlutWalk – and I have the feeling that Doug is one of them – here’s a quote from the linked article that should clarify things:

Thousands took part in the first Slutwalk, held in Toronto in April, after a police officer there said, “Women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized.”

Organizers deliberately used the word slut, declaring, in a manifesto, “We are tired of being oppressed by slut-shaming; of being judged by our sexuality and feeling unsafe as a result.”

That remark apparently tapped a reservoir of outrage, because similar marches were being held across the United States and Canada, and even overseas.

“It’s a dress, not a yes,” read a sign in London. “This is not my ‘I want you’ face!” was a message in Chicago. “It’s my hot body, I do what I want” was printed out in Boston. “Rape is never OK,” said a sign in Seattle.

“Hey, if women want to march down the street dressed as sluts, then that’s their God-given right as Americans to do so,”  says Anonymous Doug.  “And it’s my God-given right as an American to get a great view of these brave women, and drink a case of beer in the process.”

“But you seem to be missing the reason they’re doing this walk,”  I say.

“Yeah, and this is my ‘I don’t care’ face,”  says Anonymous Doug.  “Women dressed as sluts are going to be parading down the street.  That’s enough for me.”

“The dressing up as a slut part is optional, actually,”  I say.

“If 40% of the participants are dressed as sluts, I’ll be a happy man,”  says Anonymous Doug, finishing his beer and opening another.  “So if 1,000 women are marching, that’s 400 that are dressed as sluts, and that’s a marked improvement over the amount of girls I usually see dressed as sluts at 11:30am.”

Doug does have a point.  It’s rare to see women dressed in what would be considered slutwear during lunchtime hours.

“Save a spot for me Doug,”  I say.  “I’ll be back with my lawn chair and my IV drip of rum.”

“Now you’re getting into the spirit of the Slutwalk,”  says Anonymous Doug.

It’s not the intended spirit of the Slutwalk, but it’s a spirit nonetheless, and it”s more spirit than I’ve gotten into in a while.



  1. In Atlanta they had a topless breast cancer awareness march.

    That did not go over well.

  2. Even I have to stare at sluts. It can’t be helped.

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