I have a 401K and a Donkey Kong killscreen in my portfolio

October 17, 2011

“The average age of a US video game player today is 37,” Mikka says to me as we get some last games of Marvel vs. Capcom 3 in before the new Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 comes out and renders it obsolete.  Bastards… used to be you got a full year in with a fighting game you had to shell out money for the next version.

“I guess everyone who played in the old school arcades and had Atari 2600’s are still playing,”  I say.  “Or the elderly are really into the Nintendo Wii.”

“Must be, considering the study said that 91 percent of kids 2 to 17 are video gamers,” says Mikka.  “You need just as large a pool of senior citizens to push that average age to 37.”

“Or a lot of 40 or 50 year-olds playing Angry Birds on a constant basis,”  I say.  “Do they still play Tetris?  They should.  Tetris is timeless.”

“I don’t feel so bad about pushing 30 and still being an avid video gamer,” says Mikka.  “Apparently I’m in very good company.”

“Yeah, this is one of the few surveys that say we’re part of the cultural and societal mainstream,”  I say. “Aside from being a white male in the 18-35 demographic.”

“That is rather odd,”  Mikka said.  “Does that mean we have to stop playing video games?”

“No, because then we’d be hipsters,”  I say.  “Eschewing the things we enjoy just everyone else enjoys it too.  Besides, my muscular legs will not fit into skinny jeans anymore.”

“Which means you used to be able to fit your legs into skinny jeans,”  says Mikka.

“Yes, back when no one wore skinny jeans,” I say.  “Back when skinny jeans didn’t get you laid.”

“The price of being hipster before hipster,”  says Mikka.

“Let’s not go that far,”  I say.  “Keep in mind I didn’t have ironic facial hair.”

I’m not sure what video games hipsters like.  I don’t think it’s first-person shooters or fighting games.  They probably jam out to Rock Band, playing the songs no one’s heard of.  Or maybe they just play all the old school games like Donkey Kong or Frogger. But they are playing the games, and that puts them in the same company as the 45-year old housewife playing Bejeweled.  Bet that bugs the shit out of those PBR-sipping bastards.



  1. We’ve got about a dozen geriatrics playing Wii at the Gimcrack. Think that helps skew the figures?

  2. I didn’t know that skinny jeans got people laid. The things I learn.

  3. Lars holds down his part of the demographic, but, Niamh at 3 really does love her games too and she is getting good at them, she is so happy when she ‘kills a pig’ in angry birds.

  4. if “farmville” is video gaming, then there’s your answer… makes me want to go listen to ‘dashboard confessional’ and cut myself like an emo kid.

    wait… are emo kids hipsters now?

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