Worthless Week: The Christmas/New Year’s Gap

January 3, 2012

Here in the States, the days between December 24th and January 1st (or 2nd if New Year’s Day falls on a Sunday because then a lot of people get that Monday off from work) are pretty much the most worthless days of the calendar year in terms of being productive.  Sure, there’s Christmas Day, but you’re only really spending a few hours opening presents and pretending to enjoy dinner with your family.  After that’s all done, what is there to do with the rest of your day?  And New Year’s Eve?  Everything about that day is just set-up for whatever evening festivities you’re attending.  Do you remember what you did during the daylight hours of New Year’s Eve?  No, you don’t, and it’s not because you drank too much, it’s because it was likely very inconsequential.

People go to work this week – if they’re not burning their vacation time that doesn’t carry over to the next year – but nothing really gets done at the office, nothing of importance anyway, which might be its own reason to go in.  It’s like a sports team that has been eliminated from the playoffs: they’re just playing out the season and get to the off-season so they can try again next year when it matters.  They’re playing their bench players more, the starters are going through the motions, and no one bothers to check the damn scoreboard to see if they won or loss.  Everyone’s head is elsewhere and they just want the week to be done with so they can return to their pre-Christmas season lives.

I could have been in a coma from Christmas till today and I believe I would have been more productive.  Nothing happens in the news during that last week in the news, in entertainment, in anything.  The most exerting thing I did was play “Saints Row: The Third” on the Playstation all week, because it’s the closest thing any mortal will have experiencing a day in the life of Tag Larkin.  Shit, I spent a whole hour in the game beating pedestrians with a giant dildo bat just because I could.  Mikka says that’s a productive day, but I know I was only doing that because I had nothing else better to do during this wasted week.  I sure as hell wasn’t coming up with anything better to write about other than this topic, which has probably been covered before by someone not inclined to swear so much.  Well excuse the fuck out of me, Mr. Cock Washer Guy who doesn’t use profanity.

Is this week just for kids, to give them the opportunity to play with all the toys they got for Christmas before being throttled back to school?  Or for college students so they can catch up on all the sleep they didn’t get during exam week?  Even with those two examples, shit gets old pretty fast and then you’re just waiting for New Year’s to come along and put an end to this yearly lull.  I don’t recall the Christmas breaks of my childhood, save for that they were too short to get in all the nothing I wanted to do, but the Christmas breaks of my college years mainly were seen as an inconvenience, as something keeping me from the glory of campus life (though it gave me the chance to get temp work so I could by textbooks and copious amount of alcohol for the next semester).

I’d like to blame Christmas for this, or rather it’s placement on the calendar, but I don’t know if placing it earlier in December would do any good.  Would we now have a worthless fortnight instead of a week between Christmas and New Year’s? Would it fuck with Thanksgiving more than it already does?  Should we just combine the two, Thanksgiving and Christmas, or what that create too many fights between married couples who go to one spouse’s family for Thanksgiving and the other for Christmas?  That could raise the divorce rate.

Okay, so what about bumping it up closer to New Year’s so that our worthless week gets reduced to two or three days.  It would certainly give us more shopping days.  We can do this.  December 25th was only chosen for its proximity to the Winter Solstice so Christians could have their own winter party.  We can certainly move this arbitrarily-decided day to a more beneficial place on the calendar.

So let’s put Christmas on the 29th. That way Boxing Day hits on the 30th, and we still have New Year’s Eve on the 31st. I just gave you three straight days to party and drink yourself oblivious.  You’re welcome.



  1. i don’t like this plan. “Slug Week” is the best week of the year NOT to take vacation. i can show up at 9, leave at 3 and take a 2 hour lunch — and get paid for 8 hours. Oh, and eat the leftover cookies and candy that people who DO come in set out by the coffee pot. i even wear slippers.

    if i hadn’t been the only management-like-object in the building, i’d have come to work in a bathrobe… i never want Slug Week to end. Today everyone showed up at work all refreshed and shit, and wondering if i’d finished any of that shit i assured them i’d do over the holiday.

  2. Working for a non-profit means this is the busiest time of year for me (oh, it’s Christmas, let’s have everyone we know give $10 to the charity of our choice!) so while everyone else is going out and getting drunk I’m pulling 80 hour weeks. YOUR PLAN IS CRAP. I need to spread out those holidays or I’ll go crazy.

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