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Will I be able to order the hooker from Total Recall with the three boobs?

January 4, 2012

After reading that there’s going to be a sci-fi themed brothel in Nevada called the Alien Cathouse, I assembled the best two minds I could on the subject: Mikka for his sci-fi knowledge and Anonymous Doug for his experience in fucking whores.

“I doubt the sincerity and execution of a science fiction brothel,” says Mikka.  “I could be wrong, but I don’t think people in prostitution are really in-tune with the source material of sci-fi.  And if you’re going to do it wrong, you might as well not do it all.”

“Yeah, I’m thinking this is just going to be weird-looking girls wearing body paint and silver clothes,”  says Anonymous Doug.  “Not saying I wouldn’t bang those girls, but I’m not paying extra for it.”

“The article doesn’t explain much about what’s going to be so sci-fi about the brothel,” I say.  “Probably because if they promoted the fact you could pay to bang a woman dressed as Princess Leia in her slave outfit from Return of the Jedi they’d have George Lucas sending an army of lawyers into the desert with the quickness.”

“Which is a shame, because that’s exactly what I’d want in a sci-fi whorehouse,” says Mikka.  “But the licensing rights to being able to have sex with the hottest women of science fiction would be crazy expensive.”

“And it’s not like they’d be able to keep it a secret for long either,” says Anonymous Doug.  “If I knew a place where you could fuck a hooker who looks like Erin Gray’s character in Buck Rogers, I’d be telling everyone about it.”

Note: Anonymous Doug doesn’t know that Erin Gray’s character on Buck Rogers was named Col. Wilma Deering, and really doesn’t care.

“Would comic books be involved in a sci-fi brothel?”  I say.  “Because a place where awkward sex-hungry men with disposable income could pay to bang Catwoman or Wonder Woman… they’d make more money than Wal-Mart.”

“The guy running the place is the most successful brother owner in Nevada,” says Anonymous Doug.  “And he’s bringing in Heidi Fleiss to help him, so it looks like the whoring pedigree of this place is solid.”

“But I don’t think they’re solid on sci-fi end of it,” says Mikka.  “The burden is on them to prove they know the source material well enough to create a truly sci-fi brothel experience that sci-fi geeks like myself demand.”

“Do they have one in Amsterdam?” I say.  “They know how to run a successful brothel there.  If you want a hooker with a bit of nerdy flair to her, I’m pretty sure you can find ’em in the Netherlands.”

We’ll just have to see what they come up with out in the Nevada desert.  A word of warning: if you go there and are placed in the Burroughs room, make sure it’s Edgar Rice Burroughs and not William S. Burroughs.  You can thank me later.

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4 comments

  1. i’d pay money for a chance to fight the Alien side-by-side with Ripley, and then let her have me in celebration after we won. Maybe even wearing that forklift thing…


    • i think I’d have to be a damsel in distress in that scenario daisyfae


      • You’re never the same after you come out of the H.R. Giger room at the sci-fi brothel.


  2. But what if someone wanted to take chloral and bugger a Moroccan kid…?



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