I’m looking forward to hookers getting workers’ compensation benefits

March 26, 2012

I’m surprised our Canadian readers – and I know we have a couple – haven’t told us about this yet, but the province of Ontario’s top court has just legalized brothels.  So right away I had to talk to my local expert on the subject of sex for money: Avonia the Wiccan Pimp.

“Does this mean you’ll be moving your operation to Canada?”  I ask.

“No, because they won’t let prostitutes solicit on the streets,” says Avonia.  “They can only do it from inside the brothel. I like working outside.”

“Which apparently is the safest place for a prostitute to work, according to the judge on the case,” I say.  “And I agree with that.  I mean, I don’t even eat food that’s sold outside.  I will make an exception if it’s sold under a tent, though. That counts as inside.”

“I’m kinda of surprised this happened in Ontario,”  says Avonia.  “I mean, it was the hookers in Vancouver, in British Columbia, who were putting together a cooperative brothel for the Olympics.”

“I can’t be surprised because I don’t know the political leanings of Canadian provinces,” says Avonia.  “Except for Alberta.  I heard that’s just Canadian Texas.”

“All of the crazy and cowboy boots, but with fewer guns,” I say.  “They could use some brothels up there.”

“I like that sex work is finally being spoken about in terms of health and safety,”  says Avonia.

“I look forward to the day where a whorehouse has one of them OSHA displays,” I say.  “Or a whore that comes with her own Material Safety Data Sheet.”

“If my job involved more regulatory paperwork instead of backhanding people, I’d be a happier pimp,” says Avonia.  “Not to say I’d like all of the backhanding taken out of my line of work, but a marked decrease would be greatly appreciated.”

I don’t know if pimps pimp-smack people in Canada. I suspect they hockey punch them.



  1. ’bout bloody time.

  2. but hold off on that regulatory paperwork. It’s a bitch.

  3. i’d far rather pimp-slap people than do paperwork. now? if i pimp-slap someone, do you know how much paperwork i need to fill out?

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