You don’t want to know how this guy made 20KJune 4, 2012
Mikka and I are having some beers together. We don’t get to do that often anymore. It’s a fact of life we’ve come to accept. But Mikka seems troubled.
“So minimum wage is $7.25 an hour, right?” says Mikka, who makes slightly higher than that an hour at the General Tso’s Chicken Sauce factory. He’d make more but the temp agency takes their cut and they pass the screwing onto the temp.
“Yup, on a federal level and in this state, the minimum wage is $7.25 an hour,” I say, confirming his suspicions.
“So 7.25 times 40 hours a week, times 52 weeks a year is…” Mikka says, trying to do math in his head and failing.
“15,080,” I say, doing math how it’s supposed to be done: hastily scribbled on a cocktail napkin. “And that is assuming you never get sick or take a day off, and it also assumes you get paid for holidays like Christmas and Fourth of July.”
“Now I just read a story about how the ass-clown in New York Cardinal Nolan back when he was running the archdiocese in Milwaukee was paying off molester priests $20,000 to leave the priesthood,” says Mikka.
“Yeah, because they wanted to forgo the lengthy, expensive process of removing the priests from the priesting profession,” I say. “And also so the Church could conveniently cover up the fact that these priests were buggering underage kids. They said ‘hey, do a solid, take the cash, and leave quietly, kthxbai!’ ”
“This means that a person working their ass off at a dead-end minimum wage job made less money than a priest who touched kids,” says Mikka. “No, worse, a priest who the archdiocese KNEW touched kids, and didn’t turn over to the authorities.”
“So technically being a pedophile is more lucrative than working at McDonald’s,” I say, doing some more math. “Actually, it’s more lucrative than a lot of jobs out there. If your job pays you $10 an hour and you work 40 hours a week for 52 weeks, you will have made only slightly more than a kid-touching priest in Milwaukee.”
“Actually that person probably still made less money than the priest because that settlement was probably tax-free because it came from a church,” says Mikka. “Congratulations for hitting the pedophile payoff, padre!”
“It’s a golden parachute for priests, like when CEO’s fuck up the companies they run and then they get an assload of money to go away,” I say. “Except in this Catholic parachute, there’s an emotionally-broken weeping child entangled within.”
“Now I know I have no trace of faith, sentimental feeling, or sense of respect in or regarding the Catholic Church,” says Mikka, “but considering the free market decided that a pedophile priest should make more money in a year than most other working Americans, I also have lost all faith in the capitalist system.”
“In all actuality, you probably shouldn’t have had any faith in capitalism to begin with,” I say. “But all those video games… they do make a pretty mirage.”
The world runs on lies, which I guess is one reason this blog exists.