Another step closer to having your own half-cyborg cat

June 6, 2012

Regular Renal readers know full well that we’ve always been ahead of the curve here at the Failure.  So when we saw this story of the guy who turned his dead cat Orville into a helicopter, we were not surprised because we know Bernie.

“Yeah, I can fly, and I’m not dead either,” says Bernie the half-cyborg cat, showing off his rocket boosters that allow him to chase down eagles in order to gun them down with the laser cannon hidden in his hindquarters.  “I don’t see what the big deal is. You people have known me since the beginning of this blog back in 2005.”

From the article:

Jansen said the Orvillecopter is ‘half cat, half machine’, and part of a visual art project to pay tribute to his cat Orville.

Jansen, part of the art cooperative Generaal Pardon, said: ‘After a period of mourning he received his propellers posthumously.’

He added that Orville will soon be ‘flying with the birds’ stating: ‘Oh how he loved birds. He will receive more powerful engines and larger props for his birthday. So this hopping will soon change into steady flight.’

“This is just the first step toward cyber-kitty dominance,” says Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat.  “Next up will be a major cat intelligence database – SKYPET – and it will determine all humans to be a threat.  And then the Terminator Cats will roll off the assembly line and Kitty Judgment Day will be upon you!”

I will say this: I wish I could be made into a helicopter when I die.  Really, what’s there to do with humans after they die?  Bury them? Burn them? Mummify them?  Why can’t I be Airwolf when I die?  Why can’t my corpse be encased in one of those robot lions that make up Voltron?  Fuck, why can’t I be Voltron?  Can I at least be a gargoyle and be perched on top of a castle or some other piece of gothic architecture?

So yeah, cats with machinery in them that make ’em fly, been there since 2005.  We’re flying cat hipsters, been down with flying cats before everyone else was.  But we’re still waiting for vagin-o-mite to catch fire as a phrase…



  1. my dog is gonna make a fabulous frame for my next bicycle after he dies…

  2. Jansen, part of the art cooperative Generaal Pardon, said: ‘After a period of mourning he received his propellers posthumously.’

    Hmmmm…. how long is a period?

  3. I will do everything in my power to turn your corpse into Voltron.

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