Tag Larkin laughs at Tagg RomneyOctober 20, 2012
If you were around for the 2008 election, you’ll know that our very own Tag Larkin has a blood grudge against Tagg Romney, the eldest of Mitt Romney’s Patrick Bateman-looking five sons. Well, Tagg Romney has Tag Larkin’s attention again, this time over something Tagg Romney said in a recent post-debate radio interview.
In an interview with a local North Carolina radio station Wednesday, the candidate’s eldest son was asked what it was like “to hear the president of the United States call your dad a liar.”
“Jump out of your seat and you want to rush down to the stage and take a swing at him,” Tagg responded, laughing. “But you know you can’t do that because, well, first because there’s a lot of Secret Service between you and him, but also because that’s the nature of the process.”
“Oh boo hoo!” Tag Larkin says mockingly. “Tagg Romney is afraid of the Secret Service. Tagg Romney fears for his safety. TAG LARKIN HAS NO FEAR! Tag Larkin throws punches at heads of state all the time! Presidents, prime ministers, the steward of Gondor… if you have executive power, Tag Larkin’s thrown a punch at you. Tagg Romney is a puny dribble of ejaculate compared to Tag Larkin.”
Indeed, Tag Larkin will throw fists with anyone, despite federal and international laws. It’s a little-known fact that Tag Larkin once punched the Queen of England square in the babymaker once, but if you ask Buckingham Palace they’ll deny it ever happened because what country wants to admit that their monarch got socked in the crotch? Kind of takes the glimmer off that crown, don’t it?
“Tag Larkin doesn’t talk about punching people,” says Tag Larkin after throwing a thermos at a passing bike messenger. Tag Larkin doesn’t ride bikes – he pedals too hard and snaps chains like they were thread – so he think bikers are mocking him with their ability to ride bikes without breaking them. “Tag Larkin just punches people, often without warning or reason. Tag Larkin is a man of action, born of fire of fury, not of privilege and pampered wealth.”
Fire and fury are the closest clues to a birthplace we’ve ever gotten from Tag Larkin. Tag Larkin has an aura of mystery about him. Also, he has an aura of savage virility, and one time a girl said his semen tasted like cookie dough.
“Tag Larkin has whooped asses in all legislative houses on federal, state, and local levels!” declares Tag Larkin, and he’s right. Tag Larkin has kicked a Congressman in the taint, he has dropped an elbow on a state senator, and also suplexed an alderman through a table. As of this blog post, Tagg Romney has not assaulted any one from any branch of legislature here or abroad, and this means that Tag Larkin wins.
Tag Larkin always wins. FOREVER!
On a side note: Tagg Romney’s dad almost won Anonymous Doug’s vote during the Presidential debate, but only because Anonymous Doug misheard Mitt’s “binder full of women” quote as “binder of women.” Anonymous Doug has bound many a woman in the bedroom during his sexually active years upon this earth, and finally here comes a candidate speaking directly to his kinky predilections. Alas, when the error was pointed out to Anonymous Doug, he was rather crestfallen.
Election season is just a bad time for everyone.