Y’all can’t kill me!

January 28, 2013

Today is my first day of my mid-30’s, which doesn’t feel that much different than my early 30’s but are still slightly better than my late 20’s and way better than my mid-20’s.  Not as good as my early 20’s though.  I got laid a lot more back then. That was awesome.

Renal Failure started in my mid-20’s at a real low point, and because it helped me get out from that depressive pit it makes a lot of sense why the frequency of posts have lessened from the original post-a-day pace to one every week or two.  You stop taking the medicine after it’s driven out the illness.  At least the writing in these more intermittent posts is superior to the earlier posts, though those early posts are what created the deep Renal Failure mythology that long-time readers enjoy.

But I certainly do more in my life now than when Renal Failure started.  I’ve been performing improv for the past two years, practicing Israeli Krav Maga for almost five.  I actually have a job now where I write for my paycheck rather than participate in dull office tedium. I drink way better beer, often times out of an actual glass or goblet or chalice.  Me at 34 is kicking the shit out of me at 26.

I ran into an old high school friend at a bar around Christmas and he said he was surprised to see me still alive.  And I replied “Y’all can’t kill me!  I’ll outlive you all!”  Yes I was drunk but I’m pretty sure I would have said the same thing sober, because I’m right.  And I stole that line from Tag Larkin.

I probably said this before but I’m too lazy to look for it: I was asked as an alumnus of my college to pass on some advice to the future students, and my advice was this: Don’t let these be the best years of your life.  And if I can remember to take this advice myself as I grow older I should have a pleasantly awesome time getting to 35, maybe even 40.


  1. You can’t imagine 50.

    I ate an awesome Vietnamese meal on my 50th birthday and retired home to fuck the brains out of a 35 year old.

    Hang in there for it.

  2. Ah yes. Mid-30s. Ancient history but I remember it well. I go back to Ohio and there are people I went to high school with who claim that those were the best days of their lives. Imagine that! I hate to sound like a dolt but I have no idea what Krav Maga is. I’ll Google it. I suspect it was something similar to what was used to take my lunch money away in junior school.

  3. thw quality of my life in my 30’s was pretty good. then my 40’s knocked the shit outta that. 50’s? off to a flying start…. and when i run into the people who really loved those high school years? these days they seem to find the most enjoyment sitting on a sofa, watching “Dancing with the Stars” and talking about their goddamned grandbabies. i’ma gonna go swim with some motherfucking sharks, bitches. see ya!

  4. I really don’t trust anyone who thought high school was the best years. Aufuckinmatically.

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