Epilogue 2014 – Ninja Vicki, Samurai Cathy, and MikkaDecember 28, 2013
After more than five years of dating, Mikka and Samurai Cathy eloped to Massachusetts. Their reasoning was that they’d never be able to afford an actual wedding, and eloping would deny Ninja Vicki the opportunity to ruin things. Most of us were happy for them. Ninja Vicki, obviously, was not.
What made Ninja Vicki even more furious was the letter she received from Samurai Cathy soon after the eloping. In essence the letter said that Cathy and Vicki’s blood feud was over, that they were not destined to be locked in mortal combat until the end of their days, and that whatever started the feud was probably Vicki’s fault but she forgives her regardless of what it was. It was easy for Cathy to let go of a feud whose inciting incident couldn’t be recalled by either participant – she had now had a husband. Vicki, on the other hand, had nothing but the feud in her life. She had become the dominant ninja in the area, she had free reign of the town, but she had no one to share her ninja life with. Tina the Lesbian had a fiance. Anonymous Doug was gone. So was Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat. The old crew was gone. Well, not totally, I was still around but the thought of us clinging together as the last members of a deteriorated social circle was not enticing in the least.
Vicki kept promising to find Cathy and kill her, but her heart wasn’t in her threats. Maybe she figured out even if she succeeded she’d still have nothing. Maybe she felt that it would be useless to finish a feud that one side wasn’t fighting anymore. Could have even been that even if Cathy beat her, she wouldn’t kill Vicki. Then she’d be left with nothing and the humiliation of losing. Or it probably was that Vicki didn’t want to bother traveling to Massachusetts to hunt them down.
Cathy got a job as a bouncer in a Cambridge bar. Harvard and MIT kids are barely smart enough not to fuck with the woman in the kimono with the samurai sword on her belt. Mikka found work at a New England Clam Chowder factory. He’s hoping to make assistant supervisor in the next year so they can start planning to start a family.
Ninja Vicki still lives in the house near mine. All alone. Every other night I can hear her playing Peter Cetera songs from her stolen entertainment center. I still catch her from time to time stealing my orange juice, but I think she gets caught on purpose just to have someone to talk to.
We’ll probably die alone together… if that makes any sense.