Archive for the ‘Meta’ Category


Turn Back the Renal Clock: August 2008 – Part Four

June 8, 2011

Joss Whedon is Christianity’s Greatest Monster, and probably the greatest monster of a few other things too.

Anonymous Doug was a squatter in one of the seven houses that John McCain wasn’t aware he owned.

Ninjas do not leave warning letters.


Turn Back the Renal Clock: August 2008 – Part Three

June 7, 2011

More from the summer of 2008…

Samurai Cathy and Mikka can’t get married until Mikka learns how to properly avenge Samurai Cathy’s death.

When you have a dream about one of your parents being a winged centaur creature, please don’t write about it in an opinion column for the Washington Post.  It makes you look batshit crazy.

Trent Lott explains that vice-presidents are chosen for their smack-talking abilities.


Turn Back the Renal Clock: August 2008 – Part Two

June 6, 2011

More from August of ’08…

Samurai Cathy meets Tina the Lesbian.  It’s not as sexy as it sounds.

To lower the rising cost of gas, Psycho Dave wants to drill my mom for oil.

I came up with some helpful tips to watching the Summer Olympics.  They involve drinking to excess.

Tag Larkin is a particular man.


Turn Back the Renal Clock: August 2008 – Part One

June 5, 2011

I haven’t felt very creative this week so here’s some posts you might have missed the first time around…

Crimson Paraplegic vs. Dr. Platonic… not quite the epic matchup that they make summer blockbuster movies about.

Tina the Lesbian learns how to play soccer from a drunk Irish hooligan, better known as Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat’s wife Marlie.

Ninja Vicki explains the concept of ninja loans.

Tag Larkin kicks off his campaign to be mayor of our town.


The most important birthday of the year… and a new member of the Posse!

May 27, 2011

Tuesday was Maru’s birthday.  He turned 4 years old.

I forget when Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat’s birthday is, but he is not Maru so it doesn’t matter. Maru is joy.  Look at him!

So Renal Failure is older than Maru (we will celebrate out 6th blog birthday in December).  That makes us feel old here at the Failure, like we’re Internet old heads.  Then again, after six months everything becomes old on the Internet.  But since Renal Failure is nowhere near as popular as Maru, we’re new to pretty much everyone else on the Internet, save for our Renal Regulars and Trent Lott Posse.

Speaking of the Renal Failure Trent Lott Posse, we haven’t inducted a new member in 11 months.  It’s about time to freshen up the ranks with someone worthy enough to roll with T-Lott (aka Young Treezy).  Someone representing the Dirty South, straight out of Hotlanta, it’s Thomas.

I’m not sure how long Thomas has been hanging with the Failure, but he did come up with the best obscure reference of 2010 in this post about the universal appeal of April O’Neil from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  That and his regular commenting earned him a spot amongst such gangstas like Daisyfae, Alex L., Sledpress, Kyknoord, Red Raider, and Rassles.

So raise a goblet of Courvoisier for Maru’s birthday and Thomas’ membership in the T-Lott Posse.  This will be a Memorial Day Weekend to remember!


WordPress Presents: Renal Failure’s 2010 in review

January 2, 2011

Author’s note: The good people at WordPress have provided us with today’s post, regarding our statistics from calendar year 2010. So here it is…

The stats helper monkeys at mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A helper monkey made this abstract painting, inspired by your stats.

The average container ship can carry about 4,500 containers. This blog was viewed about 24,000 times in 2010. If each view were a shipping container, your blog would have filled about 5 fully loaded ships.

In 2010, there were 176 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 1626 posts. There were 6 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 279kb.

The busiest day of the year was April 5th with 376 views. The most popular post that day was That don’t make no census.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were, Google Reader,,, and

Some visitors came searching, mostly for renal failure, historical porn, santorum, turbo and ozone, and historic porn.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.


That don’t make no census April 2010


Historical Porn January 2006


Cover letter: World Bank May 2007


But where will Turbo and Ozone work now? January 2006


Coupling with the stars October 2007


There are no Festivus Miracles, there’s just averted Festivus incidents

December 22, 2010

We got an early Festivus present from T-Lott Posse member Kyknoord, as he granted us the Silver Award of the Church of Cayennetology along with fellow T-Lott Posse member Daisyfae.  The sole Gold Award winner was Nursemyra, which is exactly what we here at Renal Failure expected because… well, it’s Nursemyra.

So to celebrate this recognition by who we think is our only South African reader, we present him with a lesson in speaking Japanese…

We think she’s the type of girl Mikka would really like, if he weren’t already dating a samurai.  And that works better for Mikka, especially since this year Tag Larkin was throwing the yearly Festivus party.  It wasn’t hosted at Tag Larkin’s abode, wherever that is, but at the local strip club because they already have aluminum poles to celebrate around.  The airing of grievances was drowned out by the thumping bass of some dance number accompanying the gyrations of a 19-year old pre-med student wearing only a Santa hat and going by the name of Peppermint.   Then came the Feats of Strength, which no one was looking forward to because it meant attempting to pin Tag Larkin.  Luckily we found a loophole where we bought Tag Larkin a lap dance and got Peppermint to bury her boobs in Tag Larkin’s face and push him back so that his shoulders were pinned to the back of his chair for a three count, thus bringing Festivus to a glitter-covered close.

Tag Larkin always wins Festivus.


Half a Decade on Dialysis

December 20, 2010

Attention.  Attention.

Today on this 1, 625th post of Renal Failure, we are required to announce that this blog has turned 5 years old.

This anniversary snuck up on us, seeing how 2010 has been a real sucky year.  But, as we always do at this time, we want to thank all our regular and irregular readers who have stayed with us over the years or have just jumped on board and have enjoyed what they’ve found. And we like to thank everyone who comments here too, as it keeps this place from looking like a den of crazy where one man yells into the sky about a ninja and a half-cyborg cat.

And so for our blog birthday we want all of our lurkers to come out of hiding and leave a comment about why you like this blog so much.

In the meantime, we’ll keep on rolling like we’ve been doing, and maybe one of these days figure out how to turn some of this material into a stage show or some sort of video short, though time has been a rare commodity for us here at the Failure these days.

Year Six begins now…


Turn Back the Renal Clock – July 2008 Part Four

November 28, 2010

We remember when the stock market got drunk and lost everyone’s money.  We shouldn’t have bought the stock market that last round of tequila.

Wiccans wield swords, but they don’t do it very well apparently.

The Anonymous don’t need cell phones, because no one remembers to call them.

Tina the Lesbian doesn’t have the healthiest of coping mechanisms when it comes to ex-girlfriends.


Turn Back the Renal Clock: July 2008 Part Four

November 27, 2010

After not getting irony the first time, the Wheatleys try it again… with disastrous results.

Samurai Cathy meets Anonymous Doug.

Crimson Paraplegic bemoans a lack of marketable villains to fight against.

We were sick of Brett Favre all the way back in 2008.

We came up with a version of the game Rock Band for those who like getting high and jamming out for a ten minute solo.

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