Posts Tagged ‘birthday’


Y’all can’t kill me!

January 28, 2013

Today is my first day of my mid-30’s, which doesn’t feel that much different than my early 30’s but are still slightly better than my late 20’s and way better than my mid-20’s.  Not as good as my early 20’s though.  I got laid a lot more back then. That was awesome.

Renal Failure started in my mid-20’s at a real low point, and because it helped me get out from that depressive pit it makes a lot of sense why the frequency of posts have lessened from the original post-a-day pace to one every week or two.  You stop taking the medicine after it’s driven out the illness.  At least the writing in these more intermittent posts is superior to the earlier posts, though those early posts are what created the deep Renal Failure mythology that long-time readers enjoy.

But I certainly do more in my life now than when Renal Failure started.  I’ve been performing improv for the past two years, practicing Israeli Krav Maga for almost five.  I actually have a job now where I write for my paycheck rather than participate in dull office tedium. I drink way better beer, often times out of an actual glass or goblet or chalice.  Me at 34 is kicking the shit out of me at 26.

I ran into an old high school friend at a bar around Christmas and he said he was surprised to see me still alive.  And I replied “Y’all can’t kill me!  I’ll outlive you all!”  Yes I was drunk but I’m pretty sure I would have said the same thing sober, because I’m right.  And I stole that line from Tag Larkin.

I probably said this before but I’m too lazy to look for it: I was asked as an alumnus of my college to pass on some advice to the future students, and my advice was this: Don’t let these be the best years of your life.  And if I can remember to take this advice myself as I grow older I should have a pleasantly awesome time getting to 35, maybe even 40.


The most important birthday of the year… and a new member of the Posse!

May 27, 2011

Tuesday was Maru’s birthday.  He turned 4 years old.

I forget when Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat’s birthday is, but he is not Maru so it doesn’t matter. Maru is joy.  Look at him!

So Renal Failure is older than Maru (we will celebrate out 6th blog birthday in December).  That makes us feel old here at the Failure, like we’re Internet old heads.  Then again, after six months everything becomes old on the Internet.  But since Renal Failure is nowhere near as popular as Maru, we’re new to pretty much everyone else on the Internet, save for our Renal Regulars and Trent Lott Posse.

Speaking of the Renal Failure Trent Lott Posse, we haven’t inducted a new member in 11 months.  It’s about time to freshen up the ranks with someone worthy enough to roll with T-Lott (aka Young Treezy).  Someone representing the Dirty South, straight out of Hotlanta, it’s Thomas.

I’m not sure how long Thomas has been hanging with the Failure, but he did come up with the best obscure reference of 2010 in this post about the universal appeal of April O’Neil from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  That and his regular commenting earned him a spot amongst such gangstas like Daisyfae, Alex L., Sledpress, Kyknoord, Red Raider, and Rassles.

So raise a goblet of Courvoisier for Maru’s birthday and Thomas’ membership in the T-Lott Posse.  This will be a Memorial Day Weekend to remember!


Another Trip Around the Sun Successfully Made

January 29, 2011

Friday was my birthday, so of course I spent that day and the previous two bed-bound by some sort of flu-like bug.  Not the best way to rock in turning 32, but at least no astronauts died this time.

Anyway, saw fit to wish me a happy birthday by sending me the most unintentionally funny email I’ve ever been a witness to.

American football fans will have some mordant chuckles about a Philadelphia Eagles jersey with “Failure” emblazoned on the back, especially after the team’s late-season flame-out.  And maybe if I hadn’t blown my budget on Nyquil and Gatorade I’d have bought the damn thing too.

32 doesn’t feel any different than 31.  Or 30 for that matter.  I think 34 is the next age where you feel something different because 1) you’re out of your early 30’s, and 2) you’ve passed the 1/3 mark on the march to 100.

Anyway, I think I tamed this stupid sick bug enough to do an improv show (hope you enjoy it, Lora), drink a lot of Guinness with a large group of friends, and rock the karaoke mic with some Baby Got Back.  And if I haven’t tamed the bug, well, at least I won’t have to drink a lot to get wasted then.  Cheap date birthday night with a tuberculous patient!  Whoo-hoo!  Ladies, line up to the left after getting your inoculations on the right.  We’re going to party like it’s 1299 and the Black Death is upon us!

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